Living with a chronic illness that has no visual signs can be more of an emotional struggle than a physical struggle at times. Accepting one’s own illness is a step that most people come to terms with it at some point; because, in order to have the best life one can, one needs to be educated on the disease and treat it to the best of his or her ability.

Making those we care about accept it, or even acknowledge it, is out of our control. The skepticism of others about our illness may last a lifetime and cause deep wounds; our relationships and even our own self-worth suffer.

So what is the best way to respond when someone you care about refuses to accept that you really are ill and that your life is changing dramatically because of it? Here are four steps to best cope:

1. Go with it. Though the seriousness of your illness is significant under your roof, it isn’t that important to others. And there’s no magical conversation you can have with the person that will make him change his mind. The most likely way your friend will accept that your illness is real, is by observing you. For example, your invisible illness may begin to have some visible side effects. When he sees you struggle to get up out of a chair, don’t comment; just let him take it all in.

2. Grow with it. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on how you perceive other people and what you assume about their abilities. For example, when you’re standing in line at the store and feeling wiped out, it is easy to assume “No one else knows how hard this is for me!” Surprisingly, nearly 1 in two people live with an illness and about 96% of the painful diseases are invisible. So the odds are that there are people who do actually understand how you feel. Also, think about what situations your friends are experiencing that you don’t really understand. Is a friend suffering from a spouse who has had an affair? Do they have a parent who has Alzheimer’s? Or have they recently lost a job? All of these events dramatically change one’s life and your friends can use your empathy and understanding.

3. Get over it. You may find yourself thinking “No one understands!” so frequently that you are missing out on new friendships. Save yourself the grief and don’t obsess over how much people sympathize or if they do it appropriately. Though we would all like a loved one to be able to experience what it would be like to slip inside our skin for twenty-four hours, it’s never going to happen. If people around you feel like they can never please you, soon you won’t have any relationships left. You cannot change how someone else thinks; you only have control over your own behavior. So make sure your conversations are full of grace.

4. Get on with it. Life is precious and short and no material things in your life can replace friends and family. It is true that the intimacy level in your relationship will not ever be high if your illness is not at least believed to exist. But if you still want a relationship, and it’s a healthy one in other ways, it can happen.

The odds are that in time your friend will eventually have his own health crisis, and have some level of understanding about what you have faced on a daily basis. He may even turn to you for advice. Be supportive and encouraging. Don’t say “I told you so.”

Go with it. Grow with it. Get over it. Get on with it.

You can have relationships with those who don’t understand the depth of your illness. Just accept the person for what he can give at the moment and have reasonable expectations for the relationship. In time, it may prove to be one of your most precious friendships.