For a lot of people, getting to know yourself can be very stressful. I was at a party recently where people knew I was a psychologist. I was introduced to the wife of a guy I had been talking to for the last 30 minutes. When I met his wife I said something like “Oh, I have just been talking to your husband - he is a really interesting and nice guy.” Her response was immediate and quite dramatic: “Don’t talk to me - I don’t want to be psychoanalyzed!” I think I understood her perspective although I must say I was saddened by her response as my observation was purely social - not clinical.

I understand that it can be stressful to learn more about yourself. I realize that it can be confronting to explore your own motivations and characteristics. But, having spoken to many leaders in large organizations, I also know that unless leaders and followers understand themselves and are self-aware, there can be many dysfunctional outcomes. I believe that knowing more about yourself is not about psychoanalysis. By knowing yourself you are in a much better position to be able to deal with many of life’s challenges, especially stress! By knowing yourself you can be more effective in relationships. By knowing yourself you can improve your adaptability and efficiency in the workplace.

Daniel Goleman has been credited with developing extensive interest in the concept of emotional intelligence. I believe that if you have a high level of emotional intelligence you will manage your personal and work life much more effectively. There is plenty of research which suggests that leaders who have high emotional intelligence are more successful in the workplace. They earn more money and their teams are more highly productive. This is not the case with leaders with low emotional intelligence.

People who are able to understand themselves well and adapt well to the emotional demands and social interactions of their work and personal environment are regarded as having high emotional intelligence.

There is some great research on the effects other people’s feelings have on you. The focus of research attention has been on the brain’s limbic system. When people are in meetings together they seem to share each other’s emotions in some form of osmosis. It takes two hours for these feelings to permeate others. So there is a constant flow and exchange of emotional feelings in the workplace.

There is one research study which produced amazing results. Just sitting two people together in one room and allowing them to talk with each other, with their individual heart rate and blood pressure levels monitored, showed that within 5 to 10 minutes their heart rate and blood pressure were almost identical. And the same outcome was noted when they just sat together and didn’t talk! How spooky is that?

If we do share common emotionality, it is obvious that we are constantly affecting the ones around us. If we are stressed, our partners at work colleagues are stressed as well. You need to know how you are feeling and how this impacts others. How others feel, especially if they are angry or discontented, affects us too. None of these bad feelings are healthy or productive. They add to the tension and stress we feel in the workplace.

Let us assume that you have a high or very high emotional intelligence. What does that mean? It means that you probably have a fairly positive self-esteem, you are probably very happy, you probably maintain good relationships and understand people quite well, you manage life’s stressful events and challenges well and you are probably handling virtually all aspects of your life very comfortably. This sounds like a very positive picture, one that we would all like to be a part of, don’t you agree?

I hope this brief introduction to emotional intelligence gives you some understanding of how important the concept is in your daily life. There are five parts of emotional intelligence and we measure: understanding ourselves, understanding others, being adaptable, general mood, and stress management. There are often great variations in an individual’s profile on these five dimensions. Some people can be high on interpersonal understanding and have very limited self-awareness. Of course it makes life much more interesting for the purpose of this article, the most important issue is how well people manage stress through self-awareness.